Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Dave Kears’ Weed Not Greed Treatment Center

That’s right! The time has come to identify and treat Alameda County’s most pernicious, widespread and contagious social problems. It’s an epidemic, a pandemic and it’s maiming and killing thousands- it’s a scourge, a plague, it’s the “green death.” That’s right it’s greed. Overpaid overfed bureaucrats, policy shakers and makers, politicians have gotten richer and richer undeserving the poor. The Sheriff, Dave Kears (Director of Health Services) and Susan Muranishi (Chief Administrative Officer) salaries are over half a rock and that’s without kickbacks, pensions, junkets and free food.

They vote themselves frequent fat raises while cutting and privatizing public services like healthcare. They give themselves awards and hold fancy parties for other greedy people and everyone congratulates each other as they divide up the public funds for the next fiscal year. It’s a public health crisis: TB, AIDS, homelessness, sexual exploitation of children and imprisonment in general are all up and our leaders are throwing a victory party with melon martinis and novelty napkins.

The time has come to take county government and medical marijuana to a higher level. All the “top dogs” will live communally in the Weed Not Greed Treatment Center.

Let’s take a quick look at our leaders after a week of intensive treatment:

Dave used his left toes to pick up a pair of worn running shorts, he kicked them into the air and caught them in his right hand knocking over a lamp and a half can of beer in the process. He grabbed a chair with his left hand and stepped into the shorts pulling them up over his bare ass. He looked under a pile of clothes for a shirt but couldn’t find one, and wandered out of the room shirtless and shoeless looking for his friends.

Charley Plummer wore an open black bathrobe and sat fully reclined in a pink vinyl Lazy Boy, in the common room. Susan Muranishi lay on the red rug on the floor. One of her favorite Gucci silk scarves tied around her breasts as a top. She lay very still but her belly button ring, a plastic peace sign with a bell jingled each time she breathed. She sounded like a snoring cat.

Dave: “Hey Chuck, I’m so sorry about last night, that was my bad.”
Charley: “No problem, Dave I’ve been known to get a little psychedelic myself.”
Dave: “That’s righteous of you dude, I think I love you.”
Charley: “I love you to.”
Dave: “I mean it Chuck, your kindness will never be obliterated.”

See at Dave’s Weed Not Greed Treatment Center the motto is why get rich when you could get high? Dare to care, dare to share. Toke for a cure: treating corporate crime one spliff at a time.

You can support Dave Kears’ Weed Not Greed Clinic by participating in the “Toke for a Cure” Smoke Out and Chocolate Chip Cookie Competition.

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