Monday, May 15, 2006

Democracy Starts with Democrats- Let’s Elect Some

I went to an orgy, I mean a candidate's night. My union hosted all the candidates for the county supervisors seats. The Democratic Party has real problems with quality control. First of all they obviously need some sort of litmus test to see if the candidate is a Democrat. Second, we need some kind of cognitive criteria, OK Skippy in the White House is a babbling idiot but do the Democrats plan to fight fire with fire by promoting and supporting our most feeble minded? What’s the plan here guys?

One candidate running for the District 3 Supervisor seat (the seat Alice Lai-Bitker is currently sleeping in), Sheila Young, sounds, acts and smells like a Republican or maybe a monarchist. She hates unions, doesn’t like working people and wants to privatize public services. If she had any talent, connections or money, the Republican Party would have given her work.

Then we have the incumbents, the Super Chicks: Alice Lai-Bitker and Gail Steele. In the right corner weeping onto her power suit we have Gail Steele still tearful from hormones, an earlier meeting or just a fit of emotion about her 25th term in the seat. I think she would have retired if it weren’t for the huge raise the Supervisors just gave themselves; she can’t walk away from easy money. In the other corner in a pink suit and accompanied by her over-caffinated chief of staff sits Alice Lai-Bikter. Alice concluded her tortured and defensive remarks with one frank and honest statement. I can’t do Alice speak but to paraphrase she said, you better support me cause I’m the favorite and I’m going to win. These gals really know how to kill a party.

See this endless incumbent stuff stinks: dumber and dumber Democrats get sucked up the political food chain and their chief’s of staff get sucked into the vacated seats. Then the county bureaucrats manage these ninnys without breaking a sweat and government becomes less and less effective and more and more expensive and everyone votes themselves huge raises. Both the county supervisor seats have talented candidates in the race, Jim Price for the District 3 seat and Richard Valle for District 2 seat. They both bring real world skills and experience to the job, and they both appear more knowledgeable about county problems than the incumbents. So what’s the hang up?

Why do we have such trouble getting leadership on the Alameda County Board of Supervisors? This cycle of endless incumbents kills interest, ideas, change and imagination. Anyone who actually pays attention to our emotionally and intellectually challenged elected officials dies slowly of boredom and frustration.

Voters don’t can’t stand the candidates, so how do incumbents get these lifetime appointments. Well, first the county big dogs, the bureaucrats: the Sheriff, the Assessor, the Controller, the Treasurer and various and sundry board members* support the incumbent because well, weak is good and they might get a raise out of it. Then local democrats, herd animals that they are, chase the bureaucrats to new heights of mediocrity, they make glowing endorsements and modest cash donations, words are cheap and so are politicians. Then one hears a chorus of praise about all the incumbent has done for puppies and sick children, and the campaign coffers fill up. That’s why Alameda County voters stay home and watch American Idol instead of humping out to a candidate’s night. Compared to Alameda County elections American Idol is refreshingly democratic.

*All the above-mentioned bureaucrats endorsed Alice Lai-Bitker again.

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